5 Go-old Sings!

We always knew you were a talented bunch, but your entries to our Christmas song competition have blown our tiny minds!

© Andrew Whitton

© Andrew Whitton

We’ve enjoyed many happy hours at TVO Towers reading through your awesome entries, and admiring your lyric-writing skills and musical inventiveness. Who knew that Booshifying Christmas songs would prove to be so entertaining? Choosing our winners has been tough, but we finally managed to narrow it down to a shortlist of five.

The winners are: Kaya Dobson, Jennifer Guberman, Aline Heyerick, Emma Kelly and Casey Woodie.

Well done and congratulations! You’ll be receiving your prizes, original proof prints from The Scribblings of a Madcap Shambleton, very soon. A massively big thank you to everyone who took part – we really appreciate the time and effort you’ve put into your entries. And thank you for making it so darned difficult to choose out top five!

If you’d like to read the winning entries, please click on the green ‘Continue reading’ here…

‘Fairytale of Howard and Vince’ by Kaya Dobson
To the tune of ‘Fairytale of New York’ by The Pogues

It was Christmas Eve Vince,
In Nabootique,
And Ol’ Gregg said to me, “Do ya love me?”,
And then he sang a song,
About the lo-ve games.
I turned my face away,
And I winced in horror.

I put some jazz on,
And played track number one.
I’ve got a feeling,
This year’s for me and you,
So Happy Christmas.
I like you, Vincey.
I can see a better time,
When all our dreams come true.

They’ve got funk,
Good as Hendrix.
They’ve got Baileys, it’s cold.
But the fear goes,
Right through you,
When you realise he’s old.

When you first called my name,
On that trip to the zoo,
You promised me,
Fa-me was waiting for me.

You were boring,
You were dumb,
Hair big as the sun.
(Howard & Vince)
When Bollo finished eating,
He howled out for more.

Bob fossil was shouting,
All the kids, they were doubting,
The future of the zoo,
Then cried through the night.

The other members of the zoo,
Were shouting “give me pay”
And the bells were ringing,
Out for Christmas day.

You’re a freak,
You’re a geek.
You’re a simpleton, fool!
Sitting there on that bench talking ‘bout,
Those old shoes.

You’re Lying,
You like me,
You know I speak the truth..
Happy Christmas my friend,
I pray god,
It’s our best.

(Howard & Vince)
The other members of the zoo,
Were shouting “give me pay”
And the bells were ringing,
Out for Christmas day.

I can still be someone.
Just like anyone.
You gave me my dreams,
To me, when I first found you.

I’ll help you with them Vince.
I’ll put them with my own.
Can’t make it out alone,
We’ve got to work together.

(Howard & Vince)
The other members of the zoo,
Were shouting “give me pay”
And the bells were ringing,
Out for Christmas day.

‘What’s This’ by Aline Heyerick
Based on ‘What’s This’ from the Nightmare before Christmas soundtrack

What’s this? What’s this?
There’s pancakes everywhere
What’s this?
There’s white cells in the air
What’s this?
I can’t believe my brain I must be dreaming
Wake up, Vince, sort out your hair!
What’s this?

What’s this? What’s this?
There’s something very wrong
What’s this?
That guy’s singing my song

What’s this?
The front cover of Cheekbone
Magazine, he rocks the
Future Sailors theme
I peel the Velvet Onion scene!
What is this?
What’s this?

 Let’s have a birthday party
ConVince Howard with a crimp
A bouncy castle present
is the last thing he’ll expect

My big dramatic entrance
And Naboo will brew the punch
DJs Zaboo and Harrison
But don’t mention the crunch

Oh, look
What’s this?
They’ve climbed up on the roof, they kiss
But do they really kiss?
And fall! I’m looking up, the moon tells me a story
What is Howard up to now
What’s this?
What’s this?

Oh dear, he’s in a jazz trance dream, how queer
Along a Perspex scene
And why?

As charismatic front man I will sing
Neon and Ultra threatening
The robots are disguised so run
Because the DJ’s got a gun
Electro boy
Electro girl
The rock star life calls out to Vince
What’s this?

Oh my, what now?
Have you seen the reviews?
They suck! and what with the bassoon?
We’ll flee, to Black Lake it will be home of the legendary Old Gregg, drinking Baileys from
a shoe but do you love me?
What’s this?

An arctic exploration
To the tundra we will fly
Where it is rumoured the Egg of
Mantumbi can be found

Instead of screams, I swear
I hear the underwater funk
The hideous black frost
Defeated by the polar bear

Those boots, they’re sweet
A glam rock ski suit, goth juice tears
I am a punk I am a goth
A French duke, Camden leisure pirate, chosen one
I am the one king of the mods

I love it, oh, I love it
Oh, I want it for my own
I’ve got to know
I’ve got to know
What is this place that I have found?
What is this?
The Booshniverse, hmm…

‘Booshmas Don’t Be Late’ by Jennifer Guberman
Based on ‘Christmas Don’t be Late’ by Alvin & The Chipmunks

(Spoken, music in background)
Howard: Alright you. Ready to sing? *Lackluster agreement from Vince, Naboo, and Bollo* Come on, I’ve been working all day on this. Don’t screw this up now. Ready Naboo?
Naboo: Yeah.
Howard: Ready Bollo?
Bollo: Ready!
Howard: Vince? ..Vince? Viiiiiince!
Vince: Alright! I’m here. Cool your jets, cockerel eyes. C’mon, let’s do this.

All: Safety pins for Fossil’s shirt
Brand new tulle for Old Gregg’s skirt
Turban for the shaman’s head
Potion guide from A to Zed

Concert tix for after dark
Vince: Me, I need some Nicky Clarke
All: Peace and joy and love await
Please Christmas don’t be late

Chamois for Susan, pipes for Twins
Sartre for Joe to Moon’s chagrin
Girls for Spider, an amp for Rude’
Albums for Bollo before he’s booed

Tweed for Howard and cape for Vince
(spoken) Vince: My hair is making me absolutely wince
(sung) All: We can hardly stand the wait
Please Christmas don’t be late

Howard really needs a date (Howard: Shut up.)
Please Christmas don’t be late
Help him find his true soul mate (Howard: I’m leaving.)
Please Booshmas don’t be late

(spoken, music stops) Howard: Very funny, guys. Very funny.
Vince: Oh, c’mon, Howard, I’ll be your Christmas date. Look, we’re under the mistletoe. Remember the roof times?

Grasping with your monkey hands
Up by the balcony
Snow is comin’ down, oh!
Comin’ down fast
Kissing in the night time
Such a nice time
Together on the roof.

Vince: See?
Howard: Yeah, yeah. Merry Christmas you tit.
Vince: Merry Christmas to you too.

‘Stop Mr Susan’ by Emma Kelly
To the tune of “Stop the Cavalry” by Jona Lewie

Hey, Mr Susan, comes over here
To say we’re doing splendidly
But its very warm in here mirror world
Polishing hi-is shiny balls
Oh I say its tough, I have had enough,
Get me away from li-imbo

I have had to wipe, almost every night
All these reflective surfaces
That is when I say, Mr Su-usan
Let me do my choo-osin’

Vince and Howard wait at home
In the animal booshy zoo
Wish I could be dancin’ now
In the arms of the ape I love

(x2) -Dub a dub a dum dum
Dub a dub a dum
Dub a dum dum dub a dub
Dub a dub a dum-

Wish I was with Bollo, for Christmas

Crack there’s another one, down the mirror wall
While Mr Susan sprays his balls
If I get back, to that zooniverse
I will floppy hump Howard Moon
Don’t be silly though, it will really be, really be Vince Noir

(Dub a dums x2)

Wish I was with Bollo, for Christmas
Wish I could be dancin’ now
In the arms of the ape I love
Vince and Howard wait at home
They’ve been waiting for me long

They want me there, for Christmas.

Boosh Christmas Rap by Casey Woodie
Based on Run DMC’s ‘Christmas in Hollis’

It was December 24th in Camden in the dark
When I seen a green man chilling with his posse in the park
I approached very slowly with my heart full of fear
Looked at his face, oh my God, a cockney geezer is here
But then I was illin cuz  the man had a blade
And a bag full of stumps, 12 o’clock, I was filleted
I turned my head for a second and it was gone
And he left it in his sack, body dead on the lawn
He picked my wallet up and then took a pause
Took out the license and said “what a knob!”
Continue down the street, he jacks whoever he please
Gets right in their face and pisses on them with ease
He collected all our stumps, cuz he ain’t right
Gotta hold of Santa and took his stump that night
So when the sun came up, and Christmas was here
All you could hear was Howard Moon’s single tear

It’s Christmas time in Camden
Fox cooking up the crack
Wearing condom boots, living in a dumpster stack
While Santa put gifts under Christmas trees
Crack fox watches night time movies fighting fleas
Snow’s on the ground, snow white so bright
Snow in rock form gets his mood just right
Beneath the mistletoe as we drink eggnog
He raises a fox army in the night time fog…

Nana’s cry so loud and shrill you hear it
It’s Christmas time, but beware the jazz spirit
Camden is a place, it’s a state of mind
But come around here, never know what you find
The time is 3 o’ clock, the place is here
And without Naboo’s powers, we all live in fear

My name’s Little Johnny Frostbite with the mic in my hand
And I’m chilling and coolin just like a snowman
So open your eyes, lend us an ear
We want to say


Once again, mahoosive congratulations to all the winners, and thank you for all your amazing entries! 

1 Comment on 5 Go-old Sings!

  1. Ha! These are all fabulous! Especially loved the “What’s This” re-do. Very, very well done. TVO, please make more competitions like this! I loved coming up with my own song, and now that I know what I’m up against, I think you should do another creative competition 😀 This was a blast!


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